I am in no way claiming to be an expert at Motherhood, in fact far from it. Almost a year down the line, there are still occasions where I feel like ripping out the last bits of my hair and locking myself away in a room and crying. In fact, it almost reminds me of the mini crisis/ pantry cupboard scene Charlotte had from SATC2, except of course, I did not have a hot nanny.
Nevertheless, having said that, I no longer depended on my Gina Ford's 'Contented Little Baby Books' and of course her 'The Secret to Calm and Confident Parenting' book and just so that they were not a complete waste, I decided to sell them to some other poor mum on Ebay who I'm sure would have a 'contented little baby' just as I did.
After three years of marriage, two holidays, many trips to the cinemas and meals later, the husband and I decided to settle down, of course it meant moving into a place of our own, saving more and if we were really lucky cram in another fantastic holiday. Little did we know, nature had already taken its course, and as it intended, we were going to have a baby!
Naturally, we were a little shocked, despite the delightful news, it was big, it was going to be forever. Amongst the congratulations from family and friends, many had also kindly warned us of the late nights, early mornings and all round hard work before adding it was also one of the best things in the world.
Aunts, grand mum, friends and women in general had warned me of the pains of labour, the lovely in depth details of just how unbearable the contractions, pressure and pushing stages were, nothing an epidural wouldn't solve they later added.
In fact, what they had forgotten to mention was just how painful it would be after, the effects mentally, physically and emotionally. Do our bodies ever go back to the way it were I hear you say? Sadly, ladies, no matter how many times your midwife, GP or other says, the answer is that it wont. Stretch marks, uneven skin tone, a weak pelvis, and a few extra pounds are just some of the results of our beautiful bundle of joy.
At first, the phone never stopped ringing and the doorbell never stopped chiming, there were lots of 'ooohhs' and 'aaahhhs' from people looking down at the moses basket and our big coffee table had turned into a mini florist and card shop thanks to visits from kind family and friends.
Luckily, mum and grandmas were around to help and teach yet I knew it wasn't going to be forever, as grateful as I was, all I wanted to do on the other hand was crawl up anywhere and sleep. Needless to say, with baby waking up every two hours for a feed and nappy change, I barely slept, showered or brushed my hair. I was exhausted, frustrated and cranky and resembled a zombie, I hardly recognised myself. The husband and I barely uttered two words to each other purely because we couldn't find the time or energy to from the all day mothering and fathering. The days of long leisurely soaks with magazines and chocolates in the bath were long gone I sighed.....
To make matters worse, it was the middle of winter, long cold dark days and being cooped up in the house with no social life was every new mums nightmare. But, I kept telling myself this wasn't going to be forever and just had to suck it up. I had this beautiful little person depending on me, looking up at me, curling its sweet little fingers around mine and best of all, its smile and laugh even in the early hours of the morning made it all worthwhile.
Along with the horror stories of labour, the lovely ladies also told me it did get easier. I often asked myself would I ever be able to be me and relax again? Be 'off duty' just for a little while? If you find yourself asking the same question, the answer is yes! Six months later it DID get easier, baby and me were in a lovely routine, thankfully I was able to sleep a few more hours at night, shower and wash my hair during the day all purely because once I was settled mentally and physically, naturally, so was baby. In fact, I had successfully beat those baby blues and with focus, support, organisation and getting priorities right, so can you. Of course, I'm afraid it means getting your priorities in order, dropping a few things from your life and knowing the things to fight for.
I realised housework could wait, despite my inability to stop cleaning and polishing each and every corner (cluttered house equalled cluttered mind), I decided to not let it 'break' me, which I why when I could afford to, I paid for a cleaner who on the plus side, did massages too!
One thing I wasn't prepared to sacrifice however, was 'me time' even if it meant one hour a day, even it it meant savouring the serenity and being able to eat and drink with both hands. Even if it meant going to the loo in peace.
And finally, don't be too hard on yourself, no matter how many kids you have, remind yourself that the mere feeding, nappy changing, dressing and caring for a small human is an amazing achievement, one which I would definitely go through all over again.
1) Sleep when the baby sleeps, even 30 minutes will ensure that you are refreshed and energised and of course make up for lost sleep.
2)Talk to your husband/partner about how you really feel, don't shut them out, work in a partnership and take nightly feeds in turns. After all, its a joint responsibility.
3) Be organised, get up before baby does and have your shower and breakfast before they wake up, even little things like combing your hair or putting the washing on.
4) Unless you are Cindy Crawford, don't pressure yourself on losing the baby weight immediately, be realistic, it will happen naturally and besides experts recommend allowing your body at least six months to recover. Instead, use this time to really bond with your baby and get settled.
5) Invite friends around the home when you feel ready, catch up over cake and coffee so you don't feel you are missing out on your social life.
6) Get yourself and baby into a nice routine, feeding, playtime, bath time and bed times, not only do babies like routine but it will allow yourself some time with your partner.
7) No matter what the weather is like outside, try to get some fresh air and natural daylight, even if it means simply taking a walk outside in your garden.
8) Try to keep on top of everything, a messy house will only create more work for yourself and make you more flustered, also do important things like pay bills on time etc.
9) Take some time out for yourself, a hot bath works wonders provided your baby monitor is nearby, put on a bit of make up, straighten your hair, wear your favourite jeans or call up a dear friend.
10) And lastly, do not be afraid to ask for help, there is no shame in asking family and friends for their help, if you need to pop out or simply need to sleep. After all, its what they are there for!
With strength and courage you'll find yourself labelling PE kits and making yummy packed lunches in six inch heels and freshly blowdried hair in no time, and somewhere, a new mum will be asking how on earth do you manage it all!
